i’m tiny again i see it i feel it i love it

i feel like i could be ok now 

i feel better in the skin that i wear because i’m smaller and tiny and i’m not disgustingly all excess

i don’t want to be so skinny that i have everyone worrying again 

i want to be able to maintain this weight but i only achieved it because i’ve completely and utterly destroyed my stomach and my mind

how can i ever eat normally and maintain where i am

how

i’m terrified to go see my psychiatrist in the next week

he told me that it’s important that i don’t lose weight while i’m on my medication because he knows i’ve had a past with eating disorders and he doesn’t want me to spiral into that 

but i’m clearly far thinner than i was when i first started meeting with him i’ve gotten compliments and even my mother has said i look very thin in the face now

i don’t want him to take away my medication because it helps me so much but i didn’t start all of this shit again because of my medication.. it started long, long before but i’ve been hiding it from everyone since i relapsed 

fuck